Tuesday, December 19, 2006


1. "Johnny Haterseed's Racist Apple Orchard." Every fall, get ready to pick all you can eat from groves of Cortland, Braeburn, and Blacks Aren't People. Fresh-pressed cider comes in two varieties: Natural and The Jews Control All The Money. Parking is $5/day.

2. "THE SOCKIVERSE Discount Sock Emporium." The sock-manufacturing process often results in slightly-irregular socks that are shipped to this one-of-a-kind location for sale at extreme discounts. Socks don't come in pairs and are not guaranteed past six hours post-purchase.

3. "Wine for Cats." Self-explanatory.

4. "iTupperSquash." Call the iTupperSquash Van and it'll arrive at your door within the hour to take all of your mismatched Tupperware and lids and squash them into a featureless, semitranslucent cube about six inches across. Use it as a paperweight maybe? We didn't think this business model through very carefully.