Thursday, November 29, 2007


And in the knowing, you are cursed.

I swear to you that this is a real premise for a real movie. It has Diane Lane in it. I saw its trailer before The Mist, a surprisingly faithful retelling of the original story.

OK, so there's a psycho who kidnaps people and puts them on a webcam, and hooks up a bunch of killing devices to the internet. Every time people go to this psycho's website, the devices kill the victim just a little bit at a time (injecting tiny amounts of poison or something). There's also some sort of Special FBI Task Force That Does Computer Crime who become saddled with the task of bringing this guy down, and I think at this point my brain shut down as a protective measure against the rank, colossal stupidity of it.

The last Die Hard was sort of like this, but at least that was entertaining. This looks like an affront to human dignity and achievement. I know this movie must've been completed well before the WGA strike, but the entire thing looks like something an underpaid intern would crank out in twenty minutes after being told "We need a movie where the internets kill people."