Friday, December 12, 2008


A few days ago I encountered an item on the sidewalk that had clearly been left there in such a way as to say "Here, take this. I couldn't sell it on craigslist and so I'm hoping someone will just remove it from my sight, and the sight of the world." This item was a wooden audiocassette display case nearly full of Phish concert bootlegs. Oh, sure, there were a couple of other items,* but this case is easily 90% Phish shows. It lives in my trunk now, waiting for inspiration to strike. I have to do something hilarious with it. But what?

An early suggestion -- still a contender -- is to pick one or two houses completely at random and just leave Phish tapes on their doorstep, or in their mailbox, just frequently enough to raise uncomfortable questions.

An alternate suggestion my own brain came up with would just be to crack each tape open, unspool the reels within, gather them into a pile, set them ablaze in a vast and incredibly unhealthy pyre, and listen to the distant Lovecraftian howl of some shambling antediluvian god-horror from beyond space wearing a hemp necklace and patched-up corduroy overalls as its sacraments are irrevocably desecrated.

I'm taking other suggestions, though, so let me know if you have any.

* A Ziggy Marley album, a U2 best-of, and a couple of yogic somethings-or-other that serve only to cement my impression that this case belonged to a very stoned male who is either in college or dropped out long ago.