Saturday, November 28, 2009


I'm not sure in which conversation this week it came up, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am an inventor and I have inventions for you.

- M83A Decoration Grenade -- Made with a paper shell, this device is capable of throwing glitter out to a radius of 14m. M83A series decoration devices contain one color of glitter, and come in all standard colors of the rainbow plus pink, silver, and gold. Can be used in concert with the M83B series for maximal effect.

- M83B Celebration Grenade -- Also made with a paper shell, this device has a 4oz core of Composition B high explosive inside a tightly-packed cylinder of star-shaped confetti. Standard models are equipped with all colors of the rainbow plus pink, silver, and gold, but the M83B2 celebration device contains red, white, and blue confetti only.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Have I been seeing commercials for Google Chrome that show how pretty the browser looks? What universe is this coming from, where the fact that the browser looks fancy matters even a little? It's a fucking web browser. The content is what matters, right? The browser itself is, like, a 30px tall strip of buttons, tabs, and menu options above the content. I don't give even half a shit what that looks like. Does anybody?

Sunday, November 22, 2009


My birthday's coming up next month, and while I am planning to celebrate in not just one but two cities, I think I'll also take a page from the book of Lou and claim more or less that entire month. I'm going to have some quality time with some people I don't see that often, raise a glass or two, have some dinners, and just generally enjoy the life I've made. This sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?

Oh, and while I've got you here: Dogblog update went up just now.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


So it turns out I was in line to get my H1N1 visa renewed, as it were, and I'm over it now, but am left with a cough that my doctor says has the potential to stick around for up to four to six weeks. Just the cough, mind you. Why do coughs always do that bullshit? I remember getting a cough when I was in high school that stuck around for at least that long, if not longer. Or was that in college? Sheeeeeeeeeit, I guess I don't remember.

Friday, November 13, 2009


I was playing a videogame recently where two characters have to identify each other as friendly forces by each repeating half of a code phrase; I'd remember what this is called, but this cold I've got has put a serious dampener on my ability to think quickly. In any case, it got me thinking about what would happen if the Bay Area were ever invaded, and what we could use to quickly identify ourselves to each other verbally as friendly forces and not invaders.

Then it hit me: you could just shout out "I'm at the Pizza Hut." If they don't respond with "I'm at the Taco Bell," you are clear to open fire.

I know this would only work for a subset of the local population, but those people are definitely the subset I want to make sure I don't shoot.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I've got something, but I don't know what it is. Its most prominent symptom is a cough that seems to originate from the center of my being. There are very slight body aches and a mild chill. Appetite's down a little, but I still get hungry, and can eat and do everything else a human does. This can't be swine flu, can it?

Evidence supportin my theory is:

- Swine flu seems to hit people like a TON of bricks, with the speed of a striking snake. This snuck up on me the way a slime mold might sneak up on a log: the cough appeared on its own with no backup symptoms four days ago, and only now am I starting to feel kind of crappy.
- Seriously, swine flu hits really hard, basically incapacitating folks for at least a day. I went home from work, true, but I stopped on the way to buy supplies for the chicken soup I'm going to make myself tonight.*

Either I have something different, or I have swine flu and I'm just a tough motherfucker. The second option seems somewhat unlikely to me for some reason.

* And Modern Warfare 2. If I'm at home sitting on my couch, what else am I going to do?

Sunday, November 08, 2009


I've been trying to write a new song for a while. I've got the chords and rhythm down; the hard part now is picking a vocal melody and writing lyrics. But I've got what I think is a pretty good idea for the theme of the song, and a sketch of the melody I've been refining, and both of these things have just been independently vetted and found good. So it's happening. The lyrics need to come now. I'll let you know what happens.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009


Every year I see people get going on NaNoWriMo and every year I think about doing something completely, utterly ridiculous for it. I can't remember which year this was, but I had a notion about doing an absurd crossover fanfic novel where literally every scene had a fight, a sex scene, or introduced a new character. Or all three. It would have been horrifyingly glorious, but part of me (a large part) would have looked up at the end of the month and known exactly what it had produced. So I never did. And that's my courageous story.