Welcome to Flavor Country

YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:36:00 +0000

I don't care if this is old news. I present to you my proof that "Reckoner" alone was worth paying Radiohead $5 for, back during the download days of In Rainbows: Gnarls Barkley covering it. And it's still awesome. I always wondered if it would be possible to pull this song off without Thom Yorke's eerie falsetto; it turns out that it is, but the catch is that you have to be able to sing like Cee-Lo.

PROBABLY INEVITABLE

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:42:00 +0000

I got a Facebook request today from someone or something called "Judith Barugel". I don't know what it says about me that the following things made me suspicious:

- 0 friends in common
- Picture of a cute girl

Where I come from,* that usually means spam. This is what the world has come to, people. But then again, you knew that already.

* the internet

YOU'RE KIDDING ME

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:08:00 +0000

I've spent a shameful portion of today watching "I Love the New Millenium" on VH1* -- admittedly, while I was doing some arts/crafts, but still. While the credits for one episode were rolling, they would show commercials for some upcoming thing, and I saw a commercial promoting something or other for some bullshit cookie-cutter radio-rock-sounding band called ... Thriving Ivory? Really? Thriving Ivory? First of all, that is maybe one of the worst band names I've ever heard, and I am a man who did not listen to Neutral Milk Hotel for at least two years because of how dumb that name was. But second, did not a single person out of the band, the band's friends, the management, the marketing, the tour staff, or anybody at all even remotely associated with this group say "Hey, you know what? 'Thriving Ivory,' uh, kind of sounds like a white power kind of thing, don't you think? Guys?" Holy fuck, that's hilarious. I'm going to ask my band if we can rename ourselves Kill The Darkies and see if that gets us some action.

Also: Dogblog update. That happened, too.

* Incidentally, I like that this is how they got around the problem of "what the fuck do we call this decade -- the Zeroes? The Aughties?"

CURIOSITY TAKES HOLD

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 18:30:00 +0000

Semi-serious questions that came to me this morning after looking at a sketchpad left out by the boyfriend of one of my housemates:

- Is there a guild of tattoo artists?
- If there is a guild of tattoo artists, is there a test of some sort to get in?
- If there is a test, is there a written portion?
- If there is a written portion, is one of the questions "How much do you like skulls? A whole lot, or just a bunch?"

OTHER CAR ISSUES

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 16:11:00 +0000

This morning I saw a pickup truck with a vanity license plate that read "SOCUCHA". What the hell is that supposed to mean. The only guess I can make is that it must not be an English word. Maybe it's a name? Man, fuck you, license plate, because you are clearly not doing your job.

Other question: sometimes I park in a garage near my office. It costs $14 to park there. Do I tip the dudes when they bring me my car out of the depths of their building at the end of the day? I know it's considered customary for valets at like a hotel or something, but this is just a daily parking garage. Also, it costs $14 -- I cannot imagine these dudes aren't making solid bank just on the baseline charge. I haven't observed anyone else tipping either, so I'm assuming it must not be required, but what if this garage is just frequented by assholes? And I'm one of them? Help me out here.

IMPORTANT QUESTION OF THE DAY

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 19:40:00 +0000

My belt issue is being put on hold until I can get to an REI and check out Sonia's assertion. This will happen on Saturday, I think.

When I'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I always spread the jelly first. For some reason I feel like there's less PB/J cross-contamination on the knife this way. Do you do it that way too, or am I the only person who pays attention to that sort of thing?

Yes, I realize there is ultimate PB/J cross-contamination inside the actual sandwich, but I feel like it's important to keep the knife somewhat less so. I have no idea why. I'm willing to accept that this may mean I am crazy.

LAZYWEB BELT

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:14:00 +0000

I am a man whose waist is the wrong size for his belt. If I go to N holes, it's too tight. N-1 holes is too loose and I feel like my pants are going to fall off.

The solution: one of those skater belts with the teeth.

The problem: all of them are covered in crappy bullshit designs.

I'm trying to find one on the internet that:

- Has the buckle I want
- Is plain black

This is turning out to be trickier than I thought because I can't seem to find the right search terms. Internet, can you find for me a belt that satisfies these requirements. I have included a handy illustration that shows the type of buckle I'm looking for; I got one of the bottom kind a couple of days ago at an army/navy, and it's not quite as convenient as I thought it would be.

STILL UNENTHUSIASTIC

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 17:44:00 +0000

Today is a day for talking about cartoons.

I guess that Clone Wars movie is out today? I don't care about the Clone Wars even a little bit. Fuck the Clone Wars.

1. We know how they turned out. It was called Episode III.
2. We already had a Clone Wars cartoon. Remember that Genndy Tartakovsky cartoon about the Clone Wars? It was called Clone Wars. Yeah.

I know I've said this before, but what I would really like to see is an animated series about the Dominion War. I know we know how that shit turned out, too, but imagine for a second how nice it would be to have new Star Trek material that took place in a familiar era, with new characters and guaranteed action & adventure. Does nobody else live in the same universe I do.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:41:00 +0000

This sounds too good to be true. All it does is arouse suspicion in my glands. Not sure why. I think it's the "Not available in stores!" thing. Why do this.

I didn't know J. Michael Straczynski wrote for this show, though, nor that Maurice LaMarche did the voice of Egon. Of course, these names are only meaningful to me now, not to my kid self.

VARIOUS STATES OF FAILURE

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 15:47:00 +0000

Three personalized license plates witnessed on the drive to work today:*

1. Black BMW of some sort? "COLIN C". Really. I guess everyone knows whose car that is now. Good job. I'm not sure if this plate rates above or below the ones that say things like "JOES TOY" on my hatescale.

2. Gray Lexus: "TEDHEAD". I cannot conceive of the set of circumstances necessary to cause another human being to think this was an acceptable choice for a license plate to put on their personal vehicle.

3. Silver Corolla or similar small car: "MLN FLCN". This was indecipherable to me until I saw the "Jedi Academy" sticker on the rear windshield. It makes sense, right, but don't you think "MLM FLCN" would've been better? Maybe it was already taken.

* I drove today because I've got to meet some people after work in a place and time that precludes the use of my bike.

STOCKPILING

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:02:00 +0000

So Kraft makes this roasted red pepper Italian salad dressing* that is ridiculously good. This, of course, makes me immediately suspicious that it'll be taken off the market without warning (something that happens with regularity to the aftershaves I tend to choose), so I'm buying extra bottles of it whenever I find myself at a Safeway. Mine is the only rational response to this world.

* It says something about the usability of their official website, btw, that I had to resort to googling and linking to an Amazon page for this product

DORMANT PRIORITIES

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 07:55:00 +0000

I am comfortable admitting that I gave up what would otherwise be a prime parking spot here in my neighborhood because I know a hawk likes to perch more or less above it. I would not really call myself a dude who is vain about his car from an appearance standpoint, but this hawk does not shit on things -- it paintbombs. I chose to avoid this. That was a choice I made.

SPIN PALS

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:59:00 +0000

One of the people who works near me has three of these guys on her desk. I have no idea what it is that does it, but if you set them all spinning at the same time, it puts a smile on your face that's hard to get rid of. They're just so irrepressibly jolly.

There's a lesson here. I just don't know what it is.

A FEW THINGS

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:23:00 +0000

- It rained very briefly here in San Francisco sometime last night. How about that!

- Given the cost of fuel and air pollution, does it make sense to maybe outlaw the use of leafblowers unless they're the electric kind? Whatever happened to just using a rake or a broom, anyway?

- I just discovered a long, thin, shallow scratch on the underside of my right forearm, right where a cut would be if I suddenly decided to ~~+XendX XitX XallX+~~. I do not remember the cause of this scratch even a little.

MORE OF A STEW THAN A SOUP, REALLY

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 18:06:00 +0000

I'm learning to restrain my boundless love of potatoes when making myself chicken soup from scratch, but it's still a process. Is it just that I'm not using enough broth? Two cans seems like a lot to use, but when I throw in all my ingredients, it turns out not to be a lot of liquid. Maybe I just need to use more, huh.

I'm not really complaining that hard; soup's kind of impossible to fuck up even if it gets fucked up, you know what I mean?

AIN'T MISBEHAVIN' (MOSTLY)

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 04:27:00 +0000

During the better part of the last two weeks, the following things occurred:

- I went on a small-scale tour of California with my band

- We played shows in San Francisco, Modesto, Merced, Hollywood, and Fresno

- I learned that my car's AC should probably get recharged, though honestly nobody needs that in San Francisco

- I discovered that you should always trust Twitter (or Wil Wheaton speaking through Twitter) when it comes to traffic updates
-- Corollary: Also trust Google Maps
-- Further Corollary: Maybe there is something to this whole "Web2.0" thing after all

- I was joyfully reacquainted with the Beatles' early catalog

- I met up with several different groups of my best pals under circumstances most happy
-- And got extraordinarily drunk with some of them
-- And bore witness to the champion drinking status of certain others

- I was reminded that San Diego Comic Con is one of my most favorite, surreal times of year

- I was physically present for the event described here -- in fact, I'm the one he points to in the very last moment of this video
-- Something that has to be mentioned is that I got the sense that Jonathan Frakes is a man who genuinely enjoys injecting moments of unrestrained magic into the lives of people who would just be happy to get a wave and nod from him
-- Also, seriously, Avery Brooks can play the piano, which is not information I knew before

- I introduced myself to Kaki King but did not have the presence of mind to find a place to put the free sandwich I had been given seconds earlier; this resolved itself eventually, but it took some doing

- I ate dinner with one of my all-time favorite authors anywhere ever, his lovely wife, and four other unimpeachably excellent humans

- I slept passed out in motels, on the floors of friends-of-friends, on couches, and on futons with purring cats transmitting bone-knitting healing powers into a body that needed it

- I paused every once in a while during this entire thing to reflect on the utterly sterling quality of the people I have come to know in my life
-- If you saw me this weekend, and you are reading this, do not doubt that I am speaking of you
-- Yes, you

I knew that was going to be long, but there was no way around it. Happy end of July, people. To cap it off, I updated the Dogblog. I don't know if I need to mention it anymore when I do that.

MIDSUMMER MADNESS

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:24:00 +0000

Internet, consider this your notice that I may be pretty scarce on you for the next week and a half. Be excellent to each other. I will return.

LIFE/SPICE RATIO REMAINS HIGH

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:25:00 +0000

Here's something you should try doing: refer to the act of going to the bathroom as "fulfilling the prophecy." For instance, if at a fancy dinner with important business clients, stand up and intone to your table companions, "Excuse me. I must fulfill the prophecy. I shall return." This will lend the appropriate gravitas to any social situation you may encounter.

TODAY'S IMPORTANT FACTS

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 18:19:00 +0000

1. I am actually supremely glad they altered Wanted for the movie, because the comic would have made absolutely no sense in cinematic form. Also, props abounding for being able to make a single kiss the sexiest thing on any movie screen this year.

2. You have two days before The Definite Articles hit the Rickshaw Stop with the Brass Liberation Orchestra and Mucca Pazza. I have seen the latter live; you do not want to miss them. Or us.

155 Fell St, 94102
Thursday 8pm
$12 (I know, but it's worth it)

We're first to hit the stage, so don't be late. Parking around there shouldn't be too big an issue, either, and it's crazy accessible from BART or MUNI.

3. You are fantastic. Change nothing.

THIS BETTER NOT BE PERMANENT

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:30:00 +0000

I got my phone wet this morning, which I'm guessing caused a minor short that made it heat up and dump a whole bunch of battery power. I've opened it up and taken the battery out, and I'm just going to let it calm down (read: dry, hopefully) over the next several hours before I put the battery back in and turn it on. This better not be a permanent thing. I actually like this phone, and would not want to buy another one. Although if I do, it'll just be another copy of this dude, let's be honest.

I am not getting an iPhone. I can't be fussed with switching carriers and working out a whole new plan, not right before leaving on vacation. I choose to wait.

I HAVE A MISSILE!

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:55:00 +0000

Two posts to this blog in one day. Can you handle it.

I just wanted to point out this strip as one of the best things I've read all week. It's been open in a browser tab all day just so I can go back and read it again. You're welcome.

THE FLESH IS WEAK

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:05:00 +0000

Specifically, the flesh on the tip of my right thumb, which I managed to get cut on the edge of a freshly-opened can of corn. I'm just surprised at how often I seem to use the tip of my thumb for things -- like, for instance, typing. I'm just glad the cut's not on the side of the thumb that I use to hold a violin bow.

I'm going to take the Band-Aid off for a bit and let it breathe. For some reason, keeping it all cooped up and moist seems less than ideal.

INCONSEQUENTIAL VANITY

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:10:00 +0000

The thing about owning a bunch of t-shirts from different manufacturers is that they've all got different sleeve lengths. This turns out to produce kind of an inconsistent tan -- this Gama-Go shirt I've got on now, for instance, displays a bit of paleness at the tops of my (manly, awe-inducing) arms. Not only is this completely not important enough to try to fix, how would I even go about doing it? Wear long, girly princess gloves and wander around in the sun for a few hours without a shirt on? Attempt precise application of sunblock and sit inside a tanning booth for exactly 2.495 hours? I've got other things to do, I'm pretty sure.

DELAYED REACTION

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:04:00 +0000

Something I remember noticing at least a day or two ago and am only now getting around to commenting on: I heard a car alarm go off and thought to myself "Who still uses those damn things?" Seriously, who does this. Rather than believe it was being actively used for its intended purpose by its buyer, I choose to think that it must've been installed in the car many years ago, and the owner is simply too lazy to have it removed or disarmed or whatever. They don't still make cars with those things built in, right? Where on the face of this planet does that constitute an active deterrent rather than background annoyance?

OVERENTHUSIASM

noreply@blogger.com (Jon) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 04:46:00 +0000

I may have overdone it on my bike today. If you'd asked me, I would've told you it was maybe half that much distance. I just had a lot of errands I needed to run, I guess.