Monday, August 20, 2007


Consider a couple, a man and a woman who are either in love or high on something. The man languidly reaches out and caresses the back of the woman's head, entwining his fingers in her hair. The woman reaches out and strokes the man's head, and he leans into it like a puppy with a simpering smile. The man and the woman both reach out, clutching each others' forearms, and kiss for about a minute.

Did this take place:

- In a private place such as the living room of a house
- In a booth in a dimly-lit restaurant
- Across the aisle of an airplane in mid-flight*

(Hint: The italicized item is the correct one.)

Attention too-much-PDA couples: What the fuck is wrong with you. The first place on that list is the only location suitable for pulling that bullshit. Otherwise, you are cramming our eyeballs full of your two-person "We Luv, Luv, Luv Each Other So Very Mostly Much We Are Lost In Our Own Precious Little World, And The Rest Of You Can Fuck Right Off" show. I had an aisle seat right behind these two jackasses, and even though I had a TV built into the seat in front of me playing Die Hard 2, this was literally impossible not to notice. I was hoping to catch some sleep on the flight back from New York (one of my best pals from high school got married, it was lovely), but I think sheer annoyance kept me up long after the Couple of the Year quit fondling each other across the airplane aisle. Across the fucking aisle! How hard would it have been to ask one of the people sitting next to them to trade seats, if they can't keep their god damn hands off each other for five hours? Then at least they'd only be irritating the third person in their seating row, instead of everyone behind them.

I will further admit to you all that after getting off the plane, I saw the male half of this ridiculous couple bent over tying his shoes with his ass in the air, and the temptation to kick it as hard as I could was something I had to actively fight.

I have a bad case of the Dignities, I guess.

* Helpful diagram follows:


w = woman
m = man
j = me
s = other seats irrelevant to the story