Friday, May 22, 2009


One of my housemates was watching Valkyrie in the living room for some reason a few nights ago. I didn't linger; the last thing we need is a movie that simultaneously makes Nazis and Tom Cruise cool. But something I noticed: almost nobody in that movie was doing a German accent. That not only strikes me as potentially confusing,* it also seemed downright god damned lazy.

Think about it: you are Tom Cruise. You are a fucking actor. It is your job to pretend to be people in front of cameras, for which you are paid more money than some of us will ever see in our lifetimes. Would it completely kill you to try to hire someone to teach you a German accent? How much would that cost, honestly? Could you not pay it? Or is it that you thought you couldn't pull it off? In which case fuck you. There are tons of British actors who do flawless American accents. Seriously: acting is your fucking job. Do your job!

No wonder people hate Tom Cruise. I mean, Brad Pitt learns accents, for fucksake. Although now that I think about it: British people, did he pull off that indecipherable pikey thing in Snatch OK, or was it some bullshit? Now I have to know.

* Maybe? Since Britain and Germany were, you know, fighting each other during WWII, doesn't it seem possible the audience might take Brits in German uniforms as agents of the crown or something? As I said, I didn't linger. I could have missed all the scenes with actual Germans, for all I know.