Wednesday, May 14, 2008


We all wish movie martial arts were real, don't we? It's appealing enough to believe that by training hard enough, you can learn the location of the spot on a human being that when struck causes his liver and kidneys to trade places, or fall unconscious for exactly thirty-eight minutes, but that shit ain't real.

Do you know how I know this. It is because nobody has hired a secret super ninja or taken it upon themselves to hit Ralph Nader (and Matt Gonzalez, I guess) in whatever spot is necessary to knock him the fuck out until November 5th, at which point he'll wake up and go about his business.

What I want is for some major news organ to write a story called "Ralph Nader, No! Bad!" and run a picture of him getting struck with a rolled-up newspaper alongside it. Our country has taken an unbelievable amount of damage, we need to try and fix this shit, and your clown ass is not helping. This election is not about you!

I am practicing my Ten Thousand Snake Reverse Punch just in case.