DAY: SEIZED

HAPPY BAY TO BREAKERS,* PEOPLE

6am - Wake up

11am - Drunk

2pm - Hung over

3pm - Full

8pm - Cartoons

Now - Just beginning to feel the soreness that is sure to radiate throughout my entire body and kill every living thing in a fifty-mile radius

Just, uh, just so everyone knows.

* Bay to Breakers, based on today's (spectacular) experience, is a "race" that is kind of basically a moving, 70,000-person costume party that goes from the Embarcadero to the beach, and there are ninety billion gallons of booze. It is marvelous.