Thursday, June 25, 2009


I'm apparently a ruthless savage in dreams. Case in point: a dream I had two nights ago. Here's what you need to know:*

- I was in Hyrule
- Orcs were threatening my village**
- I was at the door of the orc fortress
- The orc leader came out to taunt me
- I was armed with a green crayon and a yellow crayon

Here's how that went down:

- I jammed the crayons into his ears
- I slammed them into his brain with a brisk clapping motion
- As he lay convulsing on the ground, I kicked him in the balls, specifically so that the last thing he would feel before death took him was blinding agony

My dream-self is clearly a man who is not to be fucked with.

* As an aside: I think the main reason why most people hate hearing about the dreams of others is that there are very few individuals who can retell a dream well. It's usually something like "I was at my old house, but it was also my grandma's house, like just the living room, but also my basketball coach was there? Except he had red hair? And then suddenly I was at work, but none of my coworkers knew who I was..."

** I know there aren't really any orcs in the Zelda games. It was a dream. The fuck do you want from me.