Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Do you ever notice that the "Personal of the Day" on the Onion rotates between more or less the same three people? And has been for as long as they've started putting those up? I don't know about you, but to me, that does not inspire confidence in the Onion/Nerve personals' ability to actually find people someone to date.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007


A recent conversation with a bank manager revealed a previously unknown fact to me: You should have multiple credit cards, apparently so you can build a reliable credit history to get such as a home loan or whatever. Just one's not enough. I've been thinking about getting another one (the one my bank offers seems like a pretty good deal) and using it to only buy very specific things. But what? CDs? Comics? Pineapples? Every month I could buy like one pineapple a week and pay off the bill promptly. What kind of consumer picture does that paint, I wonder. "I guess ... I guess this guy really likes pineapples." Maybe I'd eventually get a deal on pineapples. All the pineapples.

Is there something else I could be buying.

Monday, January 29, 2007


This has been a weekend of excellence in many fields and on many levels, so many that it would be nearly impossible to enumerate them all, but one thing that is verifiably not excellent is that I've discovered I'm not as prepared as I thought I was: I apparently drank my Emergency Gatorade a long time ago and neglected to replace it. I need the Emergency Gatorade for the mornings after I go someplace and drink all the liquor. This was a rookie mistake that I must not make again.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


1. Dogblog update went up just now!

2. The Definite Articles and I have a show on Saturday! (sorry for the short notice)

Bazaar Cafe
5927 California
- Me
- The Definite Articles

How about that


My back was itching, so I built myself a backscratcher using a plastic fork and a handle I rolled out of some paper. Have you ever actually paid attention to plastic utensils before? Because they're made out of molded plastic, they have this ragged leftover-plastic thing along their equator that can get surprisingly sharp. End result: I put some hair-thin scratches on my back that bled just a teensy bit, just enough to form hair-thin scabs and heal over. And itch. I'm not dumb enough to scratch them again, I just needed to tell you because it's damn annoying. (I have since taken a nail file to my improvised backscratcher, and now it should work perfectly)

Thursday, January 18, 2007


On I-280 between the Sand Hill and Page Mill exits, there's a highway sign that stands in the median between the northbound and southbound directions. Yesterday, just as I drove past it, a white crane flew up and perched on top of it. I don't know why, but it felt like it should mean something. But what? What.

Friday, January 12, 2007


I know someone who has gathered a hearty stable of empirical evidence that Phil Collins's "Easy Lover" is the most insidiously powerful song in the universe, but I say to you that this assertion may not in fact be true. For reasons completely unknown to me, I have "Frosty the Snowman" stuck in my head and it will not go away. I've tried. The universe is a stark, pitiless place.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


I have made a discovery.

There is a vending-machine freezer in the downstairs break room that has things like microwave burritos and ice cream treats.

It also contains White Castle cheeseburgers (two to a pack).

Should I do what I am thinking about doing.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Back at work and I've got a bit of a head cold; apparently while I was gone, they switched from buying Kleenex to some other, scratchier brand of tissue. Consequently, as I'm blowing my nose kind of a lot, I've been using Chap Stick to help keep my nose from getting abraded and sore. This works great, but it has the significant downside of making me smell only Chap Stick essentially all day. I'm not going to lie to you: My head feels a little funny right now, and it's not just the mucus talking.