EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

Sometimes the universe comes close to making me think it has an innate law of justice as fundamental as gravitation. Sometimes. Choice quote:

Even the size of the award for compensating damages "far exceeds the net worth of the defendants," according to financial statements filed with the court, U.S. District Judge Richard Bennett noted.

I hope he then subsequently noted, under his breath " ... but you know what, fuck those people."

A man can dream.

I'M JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE

Candy corn is great. I know some of you don't agree. That's OK. We can still be pals (even those of you who like mayonnaise). I just needed you to know this about me.

HUMAN/ROBOT

I have returned whole and intact. Except that my brain tissue has largely been replaced by a standing sound wave that bounces back and forth within the confines of my skull, its endless fluctuations emulating the functioning of neural tissue, sustaining my consciousness.

Normal service will be restored shortly.

TEMPORARY OUTAGE

Just so you know: This weekend I'm headed to Vegas to say hello to the future. Nobody do anything in my absence that will be regretted.

LOOK AT THIS ANIMAL

By now this poster has made the rounds on the internet, which will hopefully lead to a slew of copycat boasting posters ("poasters") for more peoples' pets. I fully endorse this happening. But the instant somebody makes one for their kid, or their girlfriend or boyfriend, I will track that person down and throw poop at them. I don't know what it is that makes this OK in my mind to do for animals, but not people; I submit that it may simply be the natural order of things asserting itself.

MINOR UPDATE

Things of note:

- Double-sized Dogblog update this month, to make up for missing last month.

- I own The Orange Box for the 360 and I have played through Portal twice (the second time with developer commentary on).
-- This also means I own Team Fortress 2, but I'm sort of easing into that because I'm wary of playing games on Xbox Live with strangers (read: teenage mouthbreathers). I need to gather the friends I have who own this machine and just play with them instead.
-- I have the same thing about Halo 3, actually.

- That's all for now. Be well.

I AM A NATURALIST OF SOME RENOWN

We need to talk for just a second about animals and how come Australia has all the best ones. A quick look around the Presidio of San Francisco will probably yield results like

- Some skunks
- Couple coyotes
- Birds
-- Owls
-- Pelicans
-- Seagulls
-- Quail, I guess
- Raccoons

I'm just going to say it. Australia has us beat on two fronts: Their animals are better, and their names are better. Listen:

- Dingos
- Wallabies
- Wombats
- Kangaroos
- Koalas
- Bandicoots
- Platypuses
- Pademelons*
- Quokkas
- Quolls

I'm eventually going to visit that place, and I intend to see as many of these creatures as I can, if only to verify their existence for myself. I know they're on Wikipedia and everything, but I mean, it's Wikipedia.

* An informal survey of all my American friends reveals that none of us has ever heard of pademelons before, ever. Are they an Australian state secret? What else are they hiding? ... Wambadoos?

I AM THE REVERSAL OF ENTROPY

It's been a month of small but extremely satisfying bursts of organization:

- Bookshelf
- Kitchen junk drawer
- Kitchen shelves
- Sock drawer

That last one for some reason was especially important, if only because now I know I have room for more socks, which I've suspected I've been needing for a while.

IS ANYBODY DOING THIS

I'd be curious to know what research Apple did to arrive at the conclusion that people want to watch video on their iPod Nano. Is anybody that starved for moving picture entertainment, that they'd watch it on a screen whose corner-to-corner measurement does not actually pass the length of their thumb? Who are these people. What are they doing right now.

HOT DAMN

I love this.



I didn't take it; Jamie did. He's British. That's why it's spelled "no-one," just FYI.

FLY FREE, FLAG IDEA!

This is a dumb product idea that I'm releasing into the wild, to roam in the underbrush and prey upon other, lesser ideas as the Nature Earth Mother Goddess intended:

Sarcastic Tibetan Prayer Flags. They'd be identical in appearance to the regular ones, except instead of the usual, they'd say things like "That shirt is not a good fit for you" or "Maybe it would be best if you stayed indoors today."

I realize this idea is kind of dumb, which is why I'm letting it go. Someone else can do it, if they want.

COUNT ME IN (SORRY)

"Maybe there has been an epiphany ... People have realized they can hate George Bush but still not want people crapping in their doorway."

I'm in. Only vaguely apologetically. Honk if you think this means I'm iN sUpPoRt oF tEh FaScIsM!!!!1!! but if it means I can the hell walk anywhere in SoMa or the Mission without worrying about stepping in some human shit, I'm down.

NO MORE FUCKING "SAW" MOVIES

Who do I have to talk to in order to get some fucking dignity all up in this piece*

I ask you

* America

IS THIS MY FAULT

There's a scratch on my chest maybe two inches long, about the width of two hairs. Where'd it come from.

- I'm not in the habit of wearing medallions inside my clothing that would scratch me
- No shirt I own has buttons that would do this
- My chest generally does not itch
-- Nor do I have a scratching implement that would cause such a mark (unlike the makeshift backscratcher I put together at my last job)
--- Nor would I even use such an implement if my chest did itch; that's what fingers are for

The only thing that's even remotely abrasive and touches that part of me regularly is probably my shower-puff loofah-thing. But if that were the cause, shouldn't I be more scratched-up, everywhere? Also, this seems like the sort of thing I'd've noticed had I done it to myself in the shower.

The only thing I can conclude is that small animals are doing this to me while I sleep and then sneaking out of the house.

IT'S STILL NOT WORKING, YOU KNOW

I wonder if MySpace spammers are trying a different tactic or if this is just a random statistical hiccup, but I feel like lately I've been getting friend requests from fake profiles with unusually plain-sounding names like "Joanne" and "Joyce." You know, as opposed to "Crystal" or "Britney" or whatever. It still doesn't work, mind you -- it takes all of .02 seconds to identify a profile as porn spam (lately it's been pharmaceutical spam masquerading as porn spam, a contortion whose efficacy I wonder at). The one outlier this week has been "Nissie," which definitely isn't plain-sounding, but which I'm not sure qualifies as porn-sounding, either.

Some poor soul who friended "Nissie" and has named his profile "ThE aFrIcAn PrInCe" has, as his endlessly tiled background, Photobucket's "bandwidth exceeded" image. One can only imagine what it was supposed to be.