QUESTIONS

- Does anyone else feel like there's a definite climatological shift on I-280 right around the CA-92 junction (Half Moon Bay)? i.e. If it's sunny and warm as I'm headed back home to San Francisco from Mountain View, it will turn perceptibly chillier right around there and remain so all the way up. The reverse is true when I'm headed south for work. Anyone else?

- Where is there a good Korean grocery store in San Francisco? I know there's one in Oakland right down the street from Mama Buzz, but come on. There has to be one in San Francisco. I'm thinking it's got to be on Geary between Arguello and Park Presidio, but I could be wrong. Regardless: Korean grocery store. Where?

- I feel like I had another question to ask, but I forgot it. What was it?

SUBSTITUTE WORD

I think I say "awesome" too much, this shirt that I just bought aside. I'm trying to think of words I can use in its place.

I kind of like the sound of:

on

operational

fabuloso*

What do you think? I already say "fantastic" sometimes, in its place.

* (c) Jeffrey Rowland

WEIRD PRODUCTIVITY

I think what knitting is to a lot of women my age, postcards are to me. I made two more, including what might be my favorite one in a while. By my count, there are 70 postcards in all so far. That's a lot. Damn!

SAD, WAVING HAND

As of today, the Bay Area got a little less awesome.

You guys may recall Bizzle and Gremlin:



Well, my friend Jenny, who owns them and loves them like they were her children, has shaken off the pollen and sea spray of this coast and set out on the road to Boston. Jenny and I have been really good friends for so long, it's kind of hard to imagine life without her around.

Goodbye, Bizzle



Goodbye, Gremlin



Goodbye, Jenny



I miss you already.

---

To distract myself, I should mention that there is a small Dogblog update and I made six new postcards.

MYSTERY PAIN

Hello, internet. I just got back from Kung Fu Hustle* and before I go to bed (for I am a tired man), I have to tell you that something is happening and I don't know what it is. Description follows.

There is a weird low-level ache in my chest residing right around my sternum. Every once in a while, equatorial bands of pain manifest themselves around my upper ribcage; these pain events seem to coincide with certain motions/changes of position (like sitting in the driver's seat of a car and rolling the window down). Just bending down makes them go, actually. Sometimes it's exhaling that does it.

This is extra-weird because if I sit and actually make with the full, slow inhale/exhale, lots of times I don't get the pain happening. But then again sometimes if I sit still long enough it appears. Its main locus is definitely around my sternum.

It doesn't feel like heartburn, which I gather is an actual burning sort of sensation (this isn't). I haven't been doing anything out of the ordinary, physically speaking, and as far as I know, I did not inject metal or ceramic shavings directly into my pectoral muscles. It began with weird back-centric pain around 3 or 4:00 this afternoon -- my back would zing me if I did certain things, made certain gestures. Now it's migrated to the front of me? What the hell is going on?

If I wake up tomorrow and this is still happening, I am seeking medical attention, because this is bullshit.

Good night, people! Or good morning, as the case may be.

* Which I recommend unreservedly.

A FEW PICTURES / SEEDS

What, you want there should be pictures from APE? Like I have time to open up the Photoshop anytime I want just because I feel like it? Why can't you be more like your brother, the nice doctor already?

For serious: I actually did take a few pictures during APE, but I have to tell you: There aren't a lot.

In other news: For Earth Day, my company gave me a biodegradable greeting-card-like object, actually kind of a fibrous matrix into which chile pepper seeds had been embedded. Apparently you can more or less stick this thing right into the ground and the seeds are supposed to sprout. Fantastic! Except I don't have a garden. I know someone who might appreciate this, though.

THE KLINGON PATRIOT

So I was being dropped off at the Ontario (California) airport at some ungodly hour by the amazing Julie. We pulled up behind a late-model red Civic with two stickers on the back in close proximity to each other. One of them was a red, white & blue "Support Our Troops" ribbon of some sort. The other, well ... the other was a three-panel sticker that went something like this:

Panel One: A photo of the Klingon High Council building
Panel Two: The motto DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR in big red letters
Panel Three: The three-pointed Klingon insignia

What I was having trouble deciding, and what still puzzles me to this day, is what sort of personality results in a juxtaposition like that. The easiest explanation is that the car is driven by two separate people, but what if it isn't? That means you are looking at either:

- A jingo-patriotic Star Trek fan.

OR

- One of those unfortunate military fanboys ("HARDCORE! MARINES!! SEMPER FI!!!") who just liked the motto on the sticker and had no idea what the other panels were about. Which is possible; the Klingon High Council building looks sort of like a Tibetan temple or something, and it's possible the Klingon insignia could be mistaken for some kind of military emblem.

I am still uncertain as to which one of these possibilities is more unlikely.

That's the Klingon Patriot anecdote.

BEE-LEVEL BUSY

Real quick-like, before the rerun of last week's episode of The Shield* is on:

Dogblog updated

Seven new postcards

Time to go!

* Which I missed.

POLYPNEUMOHURRRRR

Today on my way to work I tailgated somebody for close to a minute trying to read his stupid goddamned bumper sticker. It was a single word, rendered in letters so twisty and weird that I had to be this close just to make out what they were, and I'm still not positive I got it. It said something like:

PANDEMONEUM (idiotic, misspelled)
PANDENEON (what)
POLYMONEUM (what)
POLYMONDEUM (I fucking give up)

If I had ended up running this dude off the road, the real source of blame would have to be split between the guy (for putting such a sticker on his car in the first place) or the sticker's manufacturers (for doing a really shitty job). What purpose would having such a sticker on your car be, other than to provoke the wrath of other drivers? Declaring allegiance to the (misspelled) capital city of Milton's Hell? The (misspelled) concept of chaos? Some poorly-named band? WHAT.

Now that I'm thinking about stickers on cars, I'm reminded that I should tell you guys about the Klingon Patriot sometime, if I haven't already.

APPLIED VAGUE REASONING POWER

1. Cake is a food.

2. Food is meant to be eaten.

3. Cake is meant to be eaten.

4. By people.

5. I am a person.

6. Cake exists outside the break room of my floor today.

7. It has been there for a while.

8. Crucially, the "Happy Birthday ___" part has been consumed, rendering the cake's purpose and origin totally obscure.

9. Now cake exists inside my stomach.

FRUITCANDY/OH BOY

Today I'm feeling pretty much normal except the sore throat's still there. Not as much, though, which is nice. Tonight's dinner menu will be the same as last, just in case: Superfood, chicken noodle soup, and these roasted stuffed peppers that I made.*

I had a eureka moment the other day at the Safeway that resulted in me buying a box of Rice Krispie Treats to put in my cube, for snacking. I also bought a thing of dried pineapple chunks. Have you ever had the ones put out by the Sunsweet company? The bag says New & Improved Flavor! What this means is they've somehow found a way to make the pineapple chunks even sweeter. As a result, I can only eat maybe four or five before I have to put them away. They're like candy, but they're also fruit. What is going on.

Because I am tremendously magnificent, I will be mailing my tax returns tomorrow and hence battling what I'm sure will be some crowds. That was not a smart thing to wait to do. I'll admit that right here and now.

* They're pretty good, if I do say so myself.

WHAT, WHY NOW

I woke up this morning with a sore throat that hasn't gone away, and a slight feverish feeling. I refuse to give in to whatever this is, though. I think I've had enough of colds for a damn year. Not much else is going on. Good day, internet.

WHAT YEAR IS IT

APE has come and gone and it already feels like it was ten thousand years ago. I just dropped off the last person this morning. I think the problem is that large gatherings like these pour so much joy into my system that once they're over, even a good mood (which I seem to be in 98% of the time anyway) is still not quite as good without all those people around. I'll equilibrate soon, I think.

In other news, we have switched hosts on our back end,* and something I've noticed is that the monthly archive links on the left sidebar are now functional. You can grab big huge slices of my life that way. Nobody steal my identity, okay?

* I think Jake got tired of talking to someone who didn't speak English every time our server went down, which was every 16 minutes or something.

8,000,000-LB APE

The Alternative Press Expo is happening this weekend, and complete madness will descend upon my life for the duration of it. Friends are flying in from every which way, and we are planning some shenanigans. My internet presence may be sparse to nonexistent in a few hours. I'll let you know how it was next week, while I'm getting a replacement brain and liver.

Today there were five identical mortgage-rate spams. At least they're coming "from" names that are sort of cool, like "Gilberto Keen."

BALLS TO YOUR MORTGAGE RATE

Not only has my Gmail account been getting sporadic spam ever since a few months ago, but it's been boring spam. Most of it is from some company that apparently found me a lower mortgage rate! How about that! Also, occasionally the internet wants me to buy some C1A.LIS or V1AG.RA at formerly-unheard of prices. But that's about it. I don't even get those Nigerian scam mails or the porno I used to get by the bucketloads on my old, old Hotmail account.

I'm not complaining, mind you. Just an observation. My spam used to be entertaining.

edit: The recipe for the aforementioned Sauce 4.1 can be found on FOODPANDA. It's all-caps, like CAKE.

REVERSE VAMPIRE TRAFFIC

Something I've noticed since the daylight savings time change is that traffic is noticeably worse now. Why the hell would that be happening? We're all leaving work at the same time we did last week, people. Yet there is more traffic. I am forced to conclude that it has something to do with the sun, but I lack the brainpower to make the next connection. Fucking hell.

SUNDAY GRAB BAG

Guess what got updated just now -- I'm perilously close to 170. That's pretty crazy, that is.

I did a lot of cleaning this weekend for APE (next weekend). I'm not even sure how many people are going to see the inside of my house, but I feel like it's important that it be presentable. I have transformed the upstairs toilet and sink into gleaming monuments to the very concept of cleanliness. I have also determined that we need a new sponge mop, because the one we have sucks and is now broken.

Today's sudden torrential rain means I'll probably have to take a different route to work tomorrow morning (I still can't remember whether I've got a meeting); the Great Highway almost always gets flooded and I have to take Sunset. I guess this city's drainage system is just not that good. Why does that surprise me?

Lastly: I may have said it before, but I have perfected my marinara. Sauce 4.1 is the recipe I will use until the end of time, or until someone Italian shows me a crazy secret straight from the homeland or something.