CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT

There was something I was going to look up on howstuffworks.com that I can't remember now. What the hell was it. Oh, this is going to bug me.

Home computer's still down, folks; progress is slow because I'm kind of enjoying having my evenings freer than they used to be. I'll come around eventually; do not doubt this for even a moment.

NEW MOTTO

Contemplating a spider that I captured and released today,* and whether it heralded an untoward increase in the number of spider encounters I'd be having in the near future, the following sentence printed itself across my brain:

"My hatred is vast and my weapons are many."

This is a true thing. But it probably wouldn't fly on a t-shirt, or even a button. This is a mental-only kind of motto, and that's fine with me.

(Unrelatedly, my home computer is still offline, in case you were wondering)

(there'll be a Dogblog update when it comes back)

* I do this with every spider (using a bug vacuum gun), unless it's in my bedroom or the kitchen, or if it's surprised me unpleasantly. Those spiders I kill without hesitation.

WELCOME TO AD COUNTRY

Just as an FYI, my home computer's been infected with some sort of ad-ridden malware that I can't seem to clean out. I'll probably be somewhat internet-scarce until I can go in there with a flamethrower and handle some business.

I'M NOT SURE WHY

My office is literally on the roof of a building in North Beach, and to get there I have to climb three flights of stairs and walk on the actual roof for about ten feet, on top of a kind of wooden catwalk/path thing that starts out with a rug. Something I've noticed is that when it rains, the rug (obviously) gets soaked, to the point where every time it gets trod upon, it squishes out a little water. Something else I've noticed is that it feels really, really gross to step on it for some reason when it's in this state, even though I'm wearing shoes. I don't really know why; I guess I'm just a dainty, dainty princess.

WHERE TO CATCH ME

You have some options

FRIDAY
Bazaar Cafe
5927 California
7pm
- I'm playing a set
- So are The Definite Articles

WEEKEND
The Alternative Press Expo
The Concourse
620 7th St
11am-7pm Sat
11am-6pm Sun
- Table 248
- With Jill Stafford and Dan Evans III
- Look for the sign offering Relationship Advice at deep discount prices

SNACK ANNOUNCEMENT

If you're reading this in San Francisco, I need to alert you to the existence (for a limited time, apparently) of Strawberry Milkshake Oreos. I saw these in Safeway last night and grabbed a pack. Basically it's an Oreo with strawberry filling instead of, uh, white. They're good. I like them. But I don't know how widespread they are -- there's no information on Nabisco's website, for instance -- so I'm not sure if this is one of those "Let's test this new product in a small area and see how it does" times.

I AM IT

I've been tagged by another excellent friend of mine. HENCEFORTH

1. I drink roughly 2L of water every work day, possibly more. It's become habit at this point. I like the feeling of staying hydrated, and I also secretly believe it will help prevent kidney stones from forming.


2. I live in mild, mostly-unexpressed terror of kidney stones, not that I know of any familial susceptibility toward them.


3. I am the last man alive who has a cellphone without a camera, and I don't care. I have a camera.


4. I think my brother, who had a birthday recently, is much better at interacting with little kids than I am. This has always been a source of mild consternation to me, for no real reason.


5. I have a ready answer for the "What superpower would you like to have?" question. If you don't know what it is, I'll tell you later in person, probably.


6. I've engineered my evening walk from the office to where I pick up the bus to take me past the little park where the wild parrots of Telegraph Hill like to roost in extremely low trees and land on people who look like they have food.


7. I must be a pretty fastidious dude, because I haven't stopped to hang out with the parrots for fear of having them shit on my jacket.


8. I'm a pretty good driver, particularly here in San Francisco, where I've pretty much worked out the fastest way to get between points, and most of the secret places to find parking.


9. I'm working on building up my tolerance to extreme spice.


10. Of the songs I've written, it seems like the ones that took me the least amount of time to write are the ones that are the most popular among my friends. I attribute this not to some lack of taste on my friends' part, but to the amount of inspiration that enabled me to write those songs quickly.

I have such an unclear idea of who actually reads this blog that I have to chicken out on tagging anybody else. But if you want to do this on your own blog, nobody will stop you. Nobody!

EXTREMELY MINOR BODILY CONJECTURE

I think the nails on my right foot grow faster than the ones on my left foot, if this past nail-clipping session is any indication. Why do that. The nails on my hands appear to grow at the same rate.

DANGEROUS TECHNO-SUBVERSIVE

The parking meters in this town appear to operate using some sort of simple computer on the order of like a pocket calculator. A series of questions popped into my head upon considering this:

- If you hit one of these parking meters with an EMP, would it die?
- Does an EMP even affect a pocket calculator? I don't actually know to what extent a pocket calculator's brain is hardwired as opposed to software-based, nor to what extent an EMP affects en electronic device whose brain is hardwired.
- Parking meters are made of pretty solid, thick metal. Would that work as shielding against a handheld EMP device? (I'm aware these things don't actually exist in the first place, but I imagine they wouldn't be able to generate a nuclear-scale amount of power)
- Assuming the EMP works, could you then just park there and not worry about feeding the meter at all?
- Are you not even supposed to park in spaces where the meter's broken?

This is the sort of thing I think about when I'm walking to work from the bus.

AT THIS POINT I'M JUST TIRED

As a human person living in America in the year 2007, I am well acquainted with the idea of "outrage fatigue" or whatever you want to call it, but what the fucking fuck -- at what point did Bush decide to just crown himself King of America and do whatever the shit he feels like?* A god damn Swift Boat donor as an ambassador to a legitimate European country?

Like others, I have a suspicion that Bush has a committee meeting every morning somewhere in the White House whose sole task is figuring out what bullshit he can get away with next. I imagine its emblem is a drawing of a grinning baboon head passing through the transverse colon of a massive, armored, diesel-powered elephant wearing camouflage underpants and a pope hat.

Or maybe that's just my own mental image there.

* Probably back in 2001 har de har har snorf arf suicide

I AM A CRAPPY LIBRARY

I lent my copy of We3 to somebody. Who was it? Was it you?

Normally I write this information down -- for instance, my pal Aaron has my set of The Losers collections -- but this was a transaction that went unrecorded. Shit.

Seriously, if you're reading this and you have it, just let me know. I've been wondering about this for a few days now.