"RIDICULOUS" HAS NO "E"

The title's just a public service announcement. What I want to talk about is that gas now costs $3.25 at the cheap station near my office. That's three god damn dollars and a quarter.

I read an article once in Wired to the effect of "high gas prices are good because it gives the oil companies more money to research alternative energy." With all the money those dudes are getting now, I expect to see cars that run on fucking dilithium next month.

It also occurs to me that it's not as if oil companies were exactly poor to begin with. It's not like they had zero dollars to put towards research before gas went above two bucks a gallon. Who do I stab in order to rectify this. Where do I emplace the blades.

IN MY UNIVERSE

It's getting to be that time again. Time for bees and wasps. If I could make any science fiction technology real, it might well have to be from Star Wars. This would mean I could get a couple of tennis rackets strung not with synthetic catgut, but with a lightsaber beam.

You can probably work out what happens from there, re: bees/wasps.

FURTHER LEXICAL INNOVATION

This is coming only somewhat belatedly, but the best exclamation I've seen so far this year is "hot golly." HOT GOLLY, that was some good lasagna! and etc. Look, I don't care if you don't like it. I think it's pretty excellent.

THE FIFTH ROLL

I already discussed the fact that there are four toilet paper dispensers in every bathroom stall at my work now. A new thing that's been happening is that I've walked into my customary stalls to discover a fifth roll, still wrapped in non-toilet paper, hanging on the thing where you're supposed to put your jacket or whatever. Or sometimes sitting disconsolately in a corner of the stall. A fifth roll.

I choose to think someone is making a wordless, wry statement about the embarrassment of toilet paper riches that we have been presented with. That's what I'm choosing to go with here.

NOSE PARANOIA

There was a really weird (bad) smell in my kitchen last night, which I didn't really smell because of being stuffed up, but this morning I caught a whiff of it and oh man. The thing is, now I'm paranoid that I smell that way too, or at least that my clothes do, and so if you see me sniffing at myself for the next few days, that's what's going on. I have no idea whether the smell is actually there, but I have to keep checking.

SHOW REMINDER

Tomorrow (Tuesday) night:

Bazaar Cafe
California b/w 21st & 22nd
Beginning 7:00pm

Order of appearance:

- A guy I met but whose name I don't recall*
- My excellent friend Shawn on cello (with me on violin occasionally)
- Then just me; me and my songs

It'll be pretty great! Neither Shawn nor I are fans of songs that take a million years to finish, or that are comparatively unexciting to listen to.

* I feel sort of bad about this because he's said it repeatedly, but for some reason it keeps slipping away from me. It's a somewhat unusual name starting with E, like "Enster" or something, but that's not what it is.

HOW LONG BEFORE I GIVE IN

After I got food poisoning from eating lunch at an Indian buffet place near my office that I had visited with some frequency, I stayed away from it and any other place that did it buffet-style.

However.

This was at least two or three years ago, and lately all I can think about is Indian buffet lunch. My question becomes: Is it worth the risk. At what point does my desire for tikka masala override my caution? Will my ability to rationalize triumph over my fear of another intestinal horrorbomb?

We may all know the answer within a week or so.

ACHEWOOD GANG INK

At APE this year, there was a booth that had some Achewood* merch that included free rub-on temporary tattoos.

Observe!

The rabbit ambulance employs the principles of hopping as opposed to rolling

What We Need More Of IS SCIENCE

Even if they're just temporary, they're pretty excellent.

* If somehow you are coming to Achewood for the first time, start from the beginning, as this week's strips are in the middle of a weird storyline.

BATRACHIAN INTERLOPER

I have this thing happening where an invisible frog crawls into my throat sometime around 10pm and doesn't leave until roughly twelve hours later. Actually, as I write this, it's almost noon and I can still feel something back there, making me cough occasionally and swallow more often in an effort to evict the bastard. I don't know what that's all about -- I don't otherwise feel sick -- maybe it's just another weird manifestation of allergies. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's been raining for what seems like a solid month.

On the plus side, the rosemary bush in front of my porch has been growing like that was its job. I should step up my meat-grilling endeavors.

FAIR WARNING

Next Tuesday, the 18th

Bazaar Cafe
California b/w 21st & 22nd
7:30pm or so

Rough order of appearance:

- A guy I met but whose name I don't recall
- My excellent friend Shawn
- Me

An evening of acoustic sound stylings guaranteed to be basically splendid

You have a week to prepare your ears!

THE CALL OF CHAOS

Dark forces inhabit the interstices of our reality, constantly whispering into our ears suggestions that invite only madness and suffering. I have concrete proof of this.

As you may know, Friday is bagel day here at the office. The available bagel toppings include a variety of cream cheeses and also peanut butter. While I was applying plain cream cheese to my toasted bagel, I suddenly felt out of nowhere a momentary, alien urge to also put peanut butter on it.

Unseen evil is the only explanation.

THE TIME IS RIPENING

Do not screw this up, Democrats. We are god damn counting on you here. If this Onion article comes true, some shit is going to get lit on fire.

REFRIGEMINDER

I'm putting this here half just to remind myself that I'm going to look on craigslist for one of those dorm-size refrigerators that I can put in the corner of the dining room. With four people living in my house, we just don't have quite enough space to store absolutely everything we might want to. I think this'll make us all breathe a little easier, even just subconsciously. $20 is an easy price to pay.*

* I did a little looking around a while ago, and that seemed to be the going rate. I damn love craigslist.