LOLBOTS

I can't claim credit for the idea, but I was one of the first people he asked to board the Link Train to Server Town

I'm not sure what that phrase means either.

PREPARE

I'm calling it: Ultimate Team Cardboard Fortress Battle on Sunday, June 24th. Location TBD. If you want in, you know how to get ahold of me.

MUST BE THE ALTITUDE

One of my very best friends from high school went and got married to an excellent woman up in Breckenridge, CO. If you've never been there (and I hadn't), know this: It is beautiful. It is also 10,000ft above sea level, and that means a couple of things:

- It's super easy to get incredibly drunk
- The atmosphere will attempt to steal all the moisture from your body at all times
- These things are probably related

I can now also verify something: When I'm someplace that's a mile or more above sea level, something strange happens to me. That something is this: The top half of my upper lip starts to feel weird -- it feels like someone has bonded a thin strip of plastic to it. The last time it happened was when I visited Denver a few years ago, so I know I'm onto something.

I hope you all had good weekends, but you must understand that unless one of your best friends from high school also got married, your weekend could not have been quite as good as mine. I am sorry about this.

GETTING OVER A COLD

I sneezed and some of it got on my glasses.

I'm coming out the other side of this thing, and I'm pretty glad. Yesterday was spent mostly on the couch being idle, blowing my nose, and putting the tissues into a grocery bag next to me (the trash can was in the kitchen, which would have meant getting up). I am going to guess that you probably don't want to know how full that grocery bag was by the end of the day.

I will reiterate that when you've been blowing your nose a lot and you don't feel like squeezing an infinitesimal amount of lotion onto one finger to soothe your abraded nose, Chap Stick absolutely works as a convenient substitute.

STATUS UPDATE

- Computer connects to the internet again, and I have reinstalled some key applications including teh Ph0to0sh0px0rz (now I just need to learn how to use it properly)

- Made an update to the Dogblog just now

- I think I might be coming down with something, judging by the way my body feels and the fact that I've been unable to stop the stream of thin, clear snot coming out of my left nostril since about 2pm today

- Still available for hot dates, ladies

SOAPQUESTION

My fascination with the bathrooms at my job continues even in this new (awesome) setting. Here's the current item of interest: Isn't soap supposed to foam? Even "lotion soap"? I'm familiar with soaps that are supposed to moisturize your hands even while they clean, but those soaps (as far as I can recall) have always, you know, lathered. The downstairs bathroom, which I like more than the one on my floor, has a soap dispenser featuring something that calls itself "lotion soap" but which I really suspect is just lotion. Like someone's having a laugh on us. There's no denying that it at least smells clean, or like what "clean" should be, but I just don't know if I trust something that doesn't foam up. It actually feels kind of weird and greasy -- exactly like what I think it would feel like to just put some lotion on your hands and run them under water.

Fortunately, there's an alternative soap dispenser right next to the sink, and even though it's broken (it has no spout), I can still get real (foamy) soap out of that one.

I DON'T LIKE THOSE CRABS

Pretty much every time I turn the Discovery Channel on, it's that damn Deadliest Catch show. You know what? I don't care about that show. Show me something else, Discovery Channel, for the love of all that is holy. Seriously, it's like it's on all the stupid time. Don't make me start watching some other channel.

You are reading my blog.

PLAYING CATCH-UP

Welcome to four years ago, friends: Ikaruga is awesome, but pretty god damn hard. (this) I feel like maybe I should've warmed up some first, like maybe on Stinger or something (I loved that game). I figured I would use Ikaruga as a "clear my head between tasks" thing, but I'm finding instead that it just gets me energized, which is still pretty OK. Energy's good. If we had a copy of Stinger, I'd just play it until I beat it, which takes too long. It doesn't take long for me to use up all my lives in Ikaruga; I would not make a very good fighter pilot, I don't think.

FRUIT-TUBBY

Can fruit make you fat? What about dried fruit? Specifically apples? Dried apple rings?

Here's what's happening: We moved into a new office building, which is stellar, and includes a rack of containers that feature such as granola and peanut M&Ms and an assortment of dried fruits. The dried-fruit container in particular is right next to the stairway I use all the time to go down to the kitchen for more water, or to use the first-floor bathroom (which I like better). I can't seem to stop myself from reaching in there with the tongs and getting myself another apple ring, though, which led me to the question above. I don't know how much apple rings you need to eat before you join the Pudge Club, but I hope I don't find out.

O HAPPY DAY

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Seriously, fuck that guy.

B.O. DILEMMA

Don't you hate when this happens:

I'm on the bus, and somebody sits down in front of or maybe next to me, and all of a sudden I start smelling something bad. I try not to sniff too ostentatiously, but it's not easy: What is that smell. Oh god, is it me? (sniff jacket, sniff clothes, do the thing where you pull the front of your shirt out and try to stick your nose inside: sniff) N-no? I can't tell, the smell is everywhere.

(stop, think)

Okay, I don't think it's me, or I'd've noticed it before. That must mean it's this guy next to me. What the hell, guy. How can you not notice that. Or do you not care? What kind of person doesn't care about that kind of thing?

This is not a question I really want an answer to.

I DON'T KNOW EITHER

I've observed a vehicle parked near my place of work that has the following characteristics

- It's a large SUV of relatively recent make
-- I don't remember which one specifically
-- Larger than a CRV but smaller than an Escalade

- Black paint

- License plate that says, and I quote, BOOBERZ

What in the good god damn fuck is going on. Either this vehicle belongs to a completely hilarious woman, or a man who needs to be euthanized immediately.

IT'S ONLY MAY, PEOPLE

The weather here in San Francisco is out of god damn control. Today's forecast? 89. Tomorrow's is 83. This shouldn't be happening until like August. What in the noise is going on.

My home computer is still out of action, so no Dogblog update yet. Stand by.

AFK

Consider me AWOL from the internet of any stripe for the next three days, folks; I have places to be and in front of a computer isn't one of 'em. But don't worry -- we're still pals.

BRACE YOURSELVES

I need to talk about movies for a second.

I have seen Spider-Man 3 and I am here to tell you that it's better than the second one, which was better than the first one. I don't think I'm going out on a limb here when I say that the Spider-Man movies may actually be the most perfect superhero movies ever made, at least since the first two Batman ones. And I say this as someone who doesn't really even like Marvel all that much, aside from like three titles, two of which are being written by the same dude now.

Let's not even get into the ones that we know are automatically not going to count: The third and fourth Batman, Daredevil, Elektra ... Catwoman. Both Batman Begins and Superman Returns were big, but uh

- The fight cinematography in Batman Begins is godfuckingawful. I know it's supposed to serve a point, but I still call bullshit. It's unwatchable.
- Superman doesn't actually fight anybody in Superman Returns. Think back! The plane rescue is awesome, hands-down, and the thing with the bullet in the eye, but do you remember Superman actually throwing a punch anywhere in that movie? I don't.

Basically it seems like a lot of the time, superhero movies sacrifice action for character, or the reverse. The Spider-Man movies have both, in exactly the right amounts. Do you have any idea how hard this is to pull off. I don't, but clearly it is damn hard. Sam Raimi is probably tired right now, but next year we need to hand him a big sack of money and get him on board whatever Justice League movie is in the works (there has to be one). I'm just talking here.