Sunday, December 16, 2007

Dogs 346-357

It's one thing to know about the party and not be invited, but it's a whole other thing to not be invited and then have to tell people where the party's happening.

I'm not convinced this guy had a home, but not because he had no leash. He just doesn't look like he needs one. Look at that stance and then tell me you think a human's going to take better care of this superhero than he would himself.

If you don't have that good of a hand, you should just fold. It doesn't do you any good to hide your cards; we know what's going on, man.

What nobody tells you about time travel is that your past self might be so disgusted at what a fat slob you became that he might not even listen to what you have to say. And then you've wasted your trip! You should've stuck with your first idea and gone to see how they built the damn pyramids.

So you wanted to get the old high school gang back together for one more picture, except one of you went and had a little "operation" done overseas, and now the whole story's a little more complicated than you imagined. Sound familiar? No? It will. It will.

It turns out Wile E. Coyote learned how to disguise himself as a regular dog, and he's just laying low until he can get a catalog from some company other than those incompetent fuckers at Acme. He made me promise to destroy this picture, but I figure he's probably somewhere around Albuquerque by now and doesn't have internet access.

ShadowDog just wants you to know he's watching you no matter where you go, how safe you think you are, or how far you run. And when you cry out in the night, it is ShadowDog that you see.

"My dear boy, if you had only paused a moment to think about it, you would no doubt have realized that the earth's natural rotation timed against the annual migration cycle of the lesser-winged Dunharrow moth would have prevented the evil madman's diabolical scheme from coming to fruition until tonight at the stroke of nine! Quickly, untie this vile leash and let us away -- we haven't a moment to lose!"

Everybody's got that one buddy, the guy who's not even half as bright as you are, but the very thought of whom gets you chuckling to yourself until you can't help but get out your phone and see what the funny sonofabitch is up to this afternoon.

They might not be able to read yet, but they're learning.

Whoa. Whoa. Somebody needs to call Jim Henson's people and alert them to the fact that some of the bigger, dumber Muppets have come to life and are at large throughout the city. We'd better hope they saw this day coming.

When was the last time we had a movie with a real albino villain mastermind? Never? Is that in and of itself an albino villain mastermind plot?