Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dogs 379-383

If you're a villain, this is what you see for just a split second after Rebis says "Release the Negative Spirit" and everything everywhere goes dark. Look, if you don't know who the Doom Patrol are, I'm not going to sit here explaining it to you; there's this thing called "culture" that we're all a part of.

"No, it's cool, guys, just ... just go on ahead! I'll catch up with you when you're done. With dinner. At Joss Whedon's house. With Natalie Portman. I'll ... I've got my iPod here, I'll just wait a few, uh, hours. Call me? When you're done? Guys?"

Taking a photo with the exact right background is important because -- wait a minute, what the fuck is that? Look at this dude's back feet! Somebody call the gene police, because someone has obviously been trying to make a goatdog, and that is not cool.

You can give a poodle his ball, a source of clean water, even a jaunty sport coat, and he's still going to project a field of hatred so strong that paint blisters from thirty feet away. Poodles don't like us! They don't. We should have given them their own island when they asked.

Why do you think every time there's a kung fu movie, the main character has to go learn the hidden secrets of his order's ancient style from a wizened old dude? They sure as hell don't live that long by accident.