Friday, September 23, 2005

Dogs 226-228

Something about these guys just makes me want to smile really big and not ever stop. Maybe it's their matching leashes, or maybe it's because it's something I'm picking up from them. I learned it by watching THEM!

What's up, fellas. Seriously, don't they remind you of some buddies of yours? You go over to their house and they're always on the couch watching something funny, and within forty seconds of your arrival they're telling you to grab a beer out of the fridge and join them for a game of cards? You know who I'm talking about.

Look, I know. I know. But are you going to tell this dude to wipe his droolly face up? I didn't think so.

Check out the wind-blown action fur and pose of extreme readiness on this superhero right in front of us. Put a red sparkly helmet and a cape on him and he'll just snap that leash right in half, man. He'll leave a flame trail right down that sidewalk for ten blocks.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Dogs 223-225

I know he looks totally harmless and everything, but I'm going to come right out and say that these dogs with their totally smooth, absolutely flawless uniform-looking fur kind of freak me out a little. Like they've been upholstered somehow. I don't know. Probably it's just a me thing. I can accept that.

I'm on my way to somewhere in the Mission and I pull up behind this CEO in the back of his truck just kind of surveying the territory. Do dogs understand cars? Did this guy think he had somehow become the master of some huge roaring beast whose only purpose in life was to take him places faster than he could run? That's not far from the truth, but still.

Oh god, oh god oh holy shit. Look at the saddest-looking dude you have ever seen in your life. Look at him! Oh man, little guy! It's okay, I promise it'll be okay, just don't make that face anymore it'll be okay. WHO KNOWS HOW TO GIVE A PERMANENT HUG.

Oh phew. I think we just caught him at a bad moment; maybe that last picture was a trick of the light or something. It's cool now, it's cool. He's just going to wait here and just chillax and we can go about our business. Right on.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Dogs 215-222

We've all had that feeling, haven't we, when we're the first ones to a party and we wonder briefly if anyone else was even told?

Oh. Man. Just look, will you? Look at the most huggable dude you have ever seen in your whole damn life. You know he does that move where when he wags his tail, his entire back half shakes.

Be thankful dogs can't actually sing the blues, because you know if you heard one do it you wouldn't be able to decide between killing yourself or everyone else in the entire world.

"Listen, man, we don't need anything, all right? We don't need those losers out there, with their broken hopes and failed dreams! We don't need anything besides this bench, this mat, and each other. We'll start our new life right here and damn the consequences! You got that! Do you hear me?!"

(cue strings, orchestra comes in with a sweeping chord)

Da da da da, two dogs, da da da da,
Da da out on their own, da de dadada,
Lookin' out for each other da da hmm yeah
Two dogs ...

Right? Of course.

There isn't a single thing about the current situation that this guy isn't (a) acutely aware of and (b) happy about, is there?

I don't know why I have the urge to slap an apron and one of those old-timey train engineer hats on this captain of industry right here, but it just feels like the right thing to do. In my heart. What does yours say?

In the lengthening shadows
The dog looks and sees
Only the passage of time
Like the days of his life
Or something

You know what I'm not good at? Poetry.

Is it possible for a dog's look to be "dangerously smarmy"? I don't mean "dangerous" as in "bite your face off," but maybe more like "charged a bunch of nonreturnable crap to your credit card." This is just a hypothetical question.

I swear to you cartoons can't come to life, but if they could, they would have to wait in line to audition behind this chief. I just love the way he sits; you can almost hear the waiting-room music.