YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME

I don't care if this is old news. I present to you my proof that "Reckoner" alone was worth paying Radiohead $5 for, back during the download days of In Rainbows: Gnarls Barkley covering it. And it's still awesome. I always wondered if it would be possible to pull this song off without Thom Yorke's eerie falsetto; it turns out that it is, but the catch is that you have to be able to sing like Cee-Lo.

PROBABLY INEVITABLE

I got a Facebook request today from someone or something called "Judith Barugel". I don't know what it says about me that the following things made me suspicious:

- 0 friends in common
- Picture of a cute girl

Where I come from,* that usually means spam. This is what the world has come to, people. But then again, you knew that already.

* the internet

YOU'RE KIDDING ME

I've spent a shameful portion of today watching "I Love the New Millenium" on VH1* -- admittedly, while I was doing some arts/crafts, but still. While the credits for one episode were rolling, they would show commercials for some upcoming thing, and I saw a commercial promoting something or other for some bullshit cookie-cutter radio-rock-sounding band called ... Thriving Ivory? Really? Thriving Ivory? First of all, that is maybe one of the worst band names I've ever heard, and I am a man who did not listen to Neutral Milk Hotel for at least two years because of how dumb that name was. But second, did not a single person out of the band, the band's friends, the management, the marketing, the tour staff, or anybody at all even remotely associated with this group say "Hey, you know what? 'Thriving Ivory,' uh, kind of sounds like a white power kind of thing, don't you think? Guys?" Holy fuck, that's hilarious. I'm going to ask my band if we can rename ourselves Kill The Darkies and see if that gets us some action.

Also: Dogblog update. That happened, too.

* Incidentally, I like that this is how they got around the problem of "what the fuck do we call this decade -- the Zeroes? The Aughties?"

CURIOSITY TAKES HOLD

Semi-serious questions that came to me this morning after looking at a sketchpad left out by the boyfriend of one of my housemates:

- Is there a guild of tattoo artists?
- If there is a guild of tattoo artists, is there a test of some sort to get in?
- If there is a test, is there a written portion?
- If there is a written portion, is one of the questions "How much do you like skulls? A whole lot, or just a bunch?"

OTHER CAR ISSUES

This morning I saw a pickup truck with a vanity license plate that read "SOCUCHA". What the hell is that supposed to mean. The only guess I can make is that it must not be an English word. Maybe it's a name? Man, fuck you, license plate, because you are clearly not doing your job.

Other question: sometimes I park in a garage near my office. It costs $14 to park there. Do I tip the dudes when they bring me my car out of the depths of their building at the end of the day? I know it's considered customary for valets at like a hotel or something, but this is just a daily parking garage. Also, it costs $14 -- I cannot imagine these dudes aren't making solid bank just on the baseline charge. I haven't observed anyone else tipping either, so I'm assuming it must not be required, but what if this garage is just frequented by assholes? And I'm one of them? Help me out here.

IMPORTANT QUESTION OF THE DAY

My belt issue is being put on hold until I can get to an REI and check out Sonia's assertion. This will happen on Saturday, I think.

When I'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I always spread the jelly first. For some reason I feel like there's less PB/J cross-contamination on the knife this way. Do you do it that way too, or am I the only person who pays attention to that sort of thing?

Yes, I realize there is ultimate PB/J cross-contamination inside the actual sandwich, but I feel like it's important to keep the knife somewhat less so. I have no idea why. I'm willing to accept that this may mean I am crazy.

LAZYWEB BELT

I am a man whose waist is the wrong size for his belt. If I go to N holes, it's too tight. N-1 holes is too loose and I feel like my pants are going to fall off.

The solution: one of those skater belts with the teeth.

The problem: all of them are covered in crappy bullshit designs.

I'm trying to find one on the internet that:

- Has the buckle I want
- Is plain black

This is turning out to be trickier than I thought because I can't seem to find the right search terms. Internet, can you find for me a belt that satisfies these requirements. I have included a handy illustration that shows the type of buckle I'm looking for; I got one of the bottom kind a couple of days ago at an army/navy, and it's not quite as convenient as I thought it would be.