Dogs 389-393

So you couldn't get into the Walgreens this time, either. Why beat yourself up over it like that? It's just a drugstore, dude. Do you honestly wonder why none of your fun friends ever call you anymore?


I don't know what it says about this breed of dog that I always expect them to be able to talk. It's the only realistic way they're going to get across what it is they expect from the rest of us lesser beings.


When you're in the kind of situation where you need to make a decision and a devil and an angel appear on your shoulder representing Good and Evil, this happy camper should appear in between both of them representing Enthusiasm. You still won't make the right choice, but you'll make it with energy to spare.


Look, sometimes you just have to take a god damn nap and you don't give a shitting fuck where your body ends up, you have had a long fucking shit balls day and everything that's not a damn hell ass horizontal surface needs to watch. The fuck. Out.


Why is it that all the dwarves and wizards and magical dudes in the movies always seem to have British accents? Am I the only one who's noticed this? We're not going to get any straight answers out of this elder thaumaturgist, either.

Dogs 384-388

You can't get a dude like this to care too hard about it being wet outside. Not when he's already wearing his raincoat. If you hadn't pointed it out to him, he might not've even noticed.


Shut up, shut up! Not a word! Just sit here and don't make a god damn sound, because whatever this elected official is thinking about is approximately eight hundred fifty-seven thousand times more important than whatever bullshit you were about to say, and if you interrupt his concentration, we might wake up tomorrow in a world where potatoes are poison and babies are eating other babies just to make themselves giggle.


When you forget your ID, but your other pals have already gotten into the club and one of them has your car keys, you've got basically no choice but to make the best of it and try to create your own fun.


Listen, buddy, just because I never actually saw "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" doesn't mean you get to make me feel fucking guilty about it, okay?


Probably one of the best things about owning a dog has to be that eternal fuzzy optimism. Honestly, who else is going to greet you like you're about to have the best day of your lives every single time you see them? Even for the richest man on Earth, that has got to be one short-ass list.