Monday, January 31, 2005

Dogs 101-110

These are the sorts of dogs you almost can't help but talk to.

"Hey, boys! Who are some good dogs, huh? Who are some good dogs? What are you lookin' at? What you waggin' your tails for?
"Why do you have two collars on?"

THE BLACK ONE: "What was that, was he askin' about my two collars? Don't tell me he was askin' about my two collars."

THE TAN ONE: "Dude, don't ask, okay, I'm waggin' my tail here, but observe that I'm also getting ready to run. Yeah, I know I'm tied to this telephone pole. I know."

I need you all to pause for a moment and acknowledge Tiny here. That's his name. Tiny.

Tiny is your new boss.

That is all.

OK, so by now I know that these muzzle-looking dealies are in fact a kind of leash that's supposed to be better for the dog, but all I can actually think about is that this guy looks for all the world like "the fat kid" in one of those comics from like the 1930s that's about baseball and red wagons and really big lollipops. He looks like his name is "Pugso" or "Budsley" or "Homeslice" or something. Doesn't he? Help me out here, people.

The deal here is that the one on the left is definitely the crazy one. He wants to rush in there and knock over the convenience store -- he doesn't give a shit about the security cameras -- but his buddy with the white patch on his chest is kind of like his "social conscience." Also, he's bigger.

AND LO -- from out of the Wretched Mass of People in front of the Hallowed In-n-Out Burger, a Dog did come to me bathed in a Sea of Golden Light. Though he were tie'd to a Parking Meter by a mighty Leash of Cunning Design.

And he did say unto me, "Give me mine Freedom that I may go forth unto the People and deliver unto them a Great Big Poop or Something," but that didst not sound like a very Good Idea to me, and I did walk from there forth-with.

This picture was taken as proof that Sony has developed the next-next-next-generation Aibo and may in fact be replacing your "fleshdogs" with perfect, animatronic duplicates even as you sit there reading this. The pink/blue glow means they're feeling friendly, but if that light ever turns blood-red, well, just trust me, it doesn't mean they're in an Xmas mood.

Not only was this guy able to fall asleep outside a pretty rowdy-sounding bar on what I think was Haight St. on a weekend night, he ... well, that's an achievement in and of itself, really.

Check out that jacket wrapped around him. Someone knew they weren't going to be coming out for a while and wanted their dog to be comfy. I can respect the hell out of that.

Here we see another one of the Nth-generation Aibos in "waiting" mode outside Cafe Rain Tree in the inner Sunset. It should be noted that "waiting" mode looks suspiciously like "prepared to spring into lethal action at any moment, and also with self-polishing fur" mode from this distance.

What the brown one wants to know is exactly how their leashes got tangled up like this, and moreover, what the hell I'm going to do about it.

From this angle, it looks like they're covering each others' backs. But really, what's the little guy going to do if trouble comes in his direction? Pulling out a gun is probably his only option.

For your approval I present Patent No. 29483049657, the Canine Sundial.